This Christmas... the meal was great, the grandchildren got everything they asked Santa for, (very lucky). But the best thing was going to see my mom! My two daughters, myself and my two year old grand daughter, drove to where my mother has been for almost 8 years. She has Alzheimer's, she has no recognition of any of us. She is in the moment. It is very painful for me to see her this way. I have been ashamed of myself because I find it so painful, due to my own discomfort...I don't visit nearly as much, as I know I should!
But yesterday, mom was sitting alone, in her chair (I bought her an overstuffed Lazy Boy, a way of expressing my love for her and appeasing my guilt for not being there more, I'm sure), we walked in, I kissed her on the top of her head and I sat on her bed and watched my family visit and sing songs that my mom could remember the words to from when she taught them to me. My baby grand daughter was afraid of her at first then gradually began to warm, as only children can. She doesn't have any prior memories of the woman who raised her grandmother, just this moment and the tiny white haired woman in the chair speaking mostly gibberish and cooing to the child. Remarkably my mother's speech began to clear and she formed phrases such as "beautiful child", and "she's so pretty") The sweet expression I remember so well was back in her eyes (if only for a short time, but I saw my mom in there) to see the baby bring out the mother I use to know was a precious gift given to me yesterday. Rarely do the gifts that mean everything to your soul, come from a store!
3 hours ago